”Well, where do I start with this gem of a hotel? Let's kick things off with the shining stars of the establishment: the staff. They're the only reason this place gets any stars at all, really. They work tirelessly to keep the guests happy, probably because they know they'll need to compensate for everything else. Now, onto the culinary adventure! If you enjoy long queues and minimal food selection, boy, have you hit the jackpot! And once you finally snag a spot at the dinner table, prepare to feel like royalty – or maybe just a VIP trying to score a snack. Cleanliness is next to... well, cleanliness, I suppose. The place could use a bit of a facelift, though. And don't get too attached to the idea of using the lifts – they're about as reliable as a chocolate teapot. Stair workouts, anyone? For the cocktail connoisseurs out there, prepare to be underwhelmed. The bar's selection is about as limited as my patience. Now, onto the entertainment! The team puts in some serious effort, except for Ricardo, who seems to have misplaced his enthusiasm along with my lost luggage. But fear not, sun worshippers, there's a decent selection of sun loungers, and the lifeguards are practically Olympic-level in their towel preparation skills. On the flip side, the reception staff could use a crash course in customer service and smiling. Maybe they're just saving their energy for their next stair workout? Shoutout to the housekeeping staff and maids – you're the real MVPs in this average holiday saga. And speaking of average, the food tends to hover around lukewarm territory. Thank goodness for the microwave – my new best friend during these trying times. In conclusion, if you're looking for an average holiday with moments of mild amusement and questionable cocktails, you've found your home away from home.”
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