Attaché Guest Lodge & Health Spa

This place is nothing like what they show on the website and my experience was so poor that I ended up checking out before I even spent the night. Firstly, I waited outside the gate in my Uber for almost ten minutes, ringing the bell, hooting and shouting, before someone came strolling up and opened for us. There are two electric sliding gates before you actually get to the lodge, which looks like it used to be grand once, but is now a bit derelict and falling apart. Dry yellow grass, peeling paint, and a lobby/entrance that smelled strongly of fish. At reception trying to check in, I'm told the system is quite slow (the computer looked like it was from 1995) and so my "check in" was writing my name and cellphone number into her diary. I'm then taken to my self catering cottage (which looks more like converted stables or perhaps old farmworkers homes). I'm given a bunch of keys for my stay, one for the front door, one for the trellidoor (!!!) and a remote so I can let myself in and out of the 2 sliding gates. Clearly there was not going to be a security guard to welcome me or watch my safe return. The fact that my "cottage" had a trellidoor really concerned me. Surely ensuring the safety and security of their guests is the bare minimum that a hotel can provide?! Inside the cottage, I'm greeted by ancient faux leather couches and a TV from the 90s. The kitchen is kitted out with some jars of coffee, tea and sugar, that no one had bothered to fill up or clean. In the fridge is a manky waterbottle which was also not full. The bed sheets looked clean, but I didn't even stay to try them out. I turned around and checked out immediately.